Management Development - Crucial Conversations

by Lucy Cadman @ Developing People Ltd

Have you ever had to have a crucial conversation? One where you know you are going to meet with an opposing opinion? One where the stakes are high because it is such an important topic to you? One where you just know that emotions are likely to get out of hand? One that you know will be challenging, frustrating, frightening or annoying – or even all four? One that will have a long term impact on your life?

I once had to tell my boss, after two very unhappy months in a new job, why I was handing in my resignation and going to a different firm. The fear factor about having to hold this conversation with him nearly made me turn down the amazing new opportunity I had been offered, and stick with the stressful and unproductive situation I was currently in! To begin with, I felt bold and confident, and was all prepared to tell him exactly why I was leaving, and what the faults were with the way he ran the office that made it so unbearable to be there. By the time I actually got in to the meeting with him, I meekly handed him a resignation letter, and spent the next half hour trying not to cry as he went through a barrage of emotions from outright anger at my audacity through to emotional pleading for me to stay. I never actually told him why I was leaving in the end, but I was inwardly furious with myself for vehemently shaking my head when he did his “puppy dog eyes” and asked me “Is it me? Did I do something wrong?” …!!

Human nature is to run away from tough situations. We are good at being ostriches, and “burying our heads in the sand” rather than having a difficult conversation.

Breaking bad or difficult news to an employee is something that Managers are called on to do from time to time, but most of us are masters at avoiding this kind of difficult conversation, or even worse, at handling it badly when we do attempt it.

Here are some tips on how to tackle this kind of crucial conversation head on and deal with it effectively, instead of running away or getting it wrong :


1. Be prepared
Make sure you have all the up to date information before you go into the meeting. This could be very useful if the person has questions or concerns.

2. Use a private area
Many times delivering difficult news can cause people to display strong emotions. It is important to preserve their dignity during and after the meeting.

3. Start by listening
Start by asking a few open-ended questions which allows you to build rapport. Use paraphrasing and empathy which demonstrates you are actively listening.

4. Explore perception
Ask the person about their perception of the problem. How do they think they are performing? Further explore their answers.

5. Define reality
Be open and honest when delivering the bad news. Use language that reflects how the person perceives the problem and also use empathetic statements that show you understand how they are feeling.

6. Offer to help
If you can help the person’s situation in any way, offer this help. This may help the person move on and may soften the blow.


Communicating difficult news (or holding any other number of crucial conversations) is never easy, but the structure above can make the meeting go smoother. By practicing this structure in a training environment managers can become more familiar and more comfortable in delivering difficult news.

Management Training and Development can help your managers to handle a variety of situations in a more productive way. For more information on our Management Development and Training services, please visit our website at www.developingpeople.co.uk, or contact Developing People Limited by email or by telephone on 0845 409 2346.