An Abject Lesson in Leading by Example

by Mark Evenden @ Developing People Ltd

Leading by example is an interesting topic, because for many of us we often want to “tell” people (family, friends, work colleagues, etc) something and then expect them to get on with it. We may not feel the need to do the things we have asked of others (for example, we might insist our child keeps their room tidy when the rest of our house looks like a bomb site), but we just expect others to do as they are told. However, our behaviour has a direct impact on the people we interact with, and I will give you a simple example of this.

I have had an interesting first season as the Manager of a girls football team. I had no previous football coaching experience, and so the club assigned me an experienced coach to support me and help me learn the ropes. Initially this was very helpful because I could not make every game due to work commitments.

However, I found out that when I was away, the said “experienced coach” had become very frustrated with one of the league referees. Instead of hiding his frustrations, he made them known to all, and made comments in front of the girls (and their parents) such as “We lost because the other team had an extra player”. His behaviour started to cause angst amongst the team and the parents, and it because a regular discussion point whenever that particular referee was in charge.

The team played really well, and reached the final of the local league cup. However, guess who the match referee was and guess what the outcome of the final was?

Yes, we lost the game - not because the other team were better than us, but because in the minds of the girls and of the parents, we were playing against a team of 12, and therefore we would never ever win.

This is an abject lesson in leading by example. The behaviour of the “experienced” coach affected the team and how they played. Sadly, he still couldn’t see it – his only comment was a hollowly triumphant “See?? I *told* you we wouldn’t win with that referee” !!!

Sometimes (or perhaps often), football coaching has nothing to do with football, but it does have a lot to do with setting an appropriate example.