Making Our Personality Work For Us In Our Coaching.

Inevitably we take our personality along with us into any coaching relationship. We cannot avoid this unless we decide to behave or act in a way that is fundamentally different fro our core personality.

I recognise that in preparing for and particularly when conducting coaching sessions then some of my senses and behaviours are heightened. I will actively listen more. I will really think about the coachee’s response, what it might mean and where to go next with the conversation. I will ask them the very best questions that I assess will help them think more deeply and clearly. I will carefully observe their body language for signs that indicate how they are thinking and feeling. I will work hard to suspend my judgement, remain open minded and block out thoughts about my own world and situation. In short I will “give them a good listening to” as someone once described it back to me.

I will also be direct and honest with any feedback to them or responses to their questions of me. I will not infer things or drop hints in the hope that they will “get it” and work it out for themselves. I will also admit it if and when I have got lost in the discussion or when I am unsure about an answer to a question. I sometimes admit that and come back later with a more considered opinion.

However I will not suspend or deny my own personality. I will express things as I normally would and use plain language. I will react, laugh smile or look quizzical in my normal way. I will bring my natural personality “to the coaching party” and act in an authentic way. I do this because it is me, it demonstrates integrity and because I would not be comfortable doing it in any other way. After all we expect our coachees to be honest with themselves and with us so we should be modelling and demonstrating the way for them.

If my natural approach and personality does not work for someone and they don’t understand or appreciate my approach then I am not the coach for them. This is regrettable but fine by me and I explain this to them at the initial coaching meeting and I invite them to consider my appropriateness as a coach for them. I would rather that they opted out at this early stage if they feel that I am wrong for them than to soldier on through a number of sessions when they have not bought in to me and my approach. In practice this has rarely but occasionally happens.