Firstly the personal chemistry between the two parties is key to establishing the right relationship. This is not about friendship (although it could be) but more about trust, empathy, rapport, respect and understanding.
Secondly and most importantly, successful coaching depends mainly on the attitude; willingness, circumstances, timing and desire of the coaching subject themselves. They may not have all of these factors in place and proactively know that coaching is what they want and need right from the start. People don’t just wake up one morning and think “Ah, what I need now is a series of coaching sessions/good dose of coaching”! It usually takes some other form of stimulus to bring coaching forward in their consciousness as a potential development solution for them.
Other factors that are sometimes important factors for the coachee when making their choice of coach can be:- gender – do they want a person of the same or opposite sex, age – do they want a person who is older, the same age or younger than them, (although this would be an unusual choice), experience – do they want someone with experience from their type of organisation, functional specialism, marketplace, or approach –do they want someone who is more or less directive, conventional or unconventional, or who has specialist skills e.g. NLP Practitioner, acting & drama, psychotherapy, occupational psychology, or specialist knowledge eg Finance, Marketing, Education, H.R. etc.
In practice and in my experience most new coachees are not provided with and don’t seek out a long or broad list of potential coaches to choose from. More often they meet or talk with their sponsor who has some personal knowledge of me or one of my colleague coaches and who recommends that they might like to meet with me to discuss the prospect of them being coached. They may be given a choice of two or three coaches known to sponsor but this usually comes with a personal recommendation. In my organisation, we would usually offer potential new coachees a choice of coach, unless we have been recommended individually. If we are asked by a coachee about who else we have who might be able to coach them and do they have a choice in this then we will offer them one or two alternative coaches. In practice this matter of choice rarely occurs. Quite often the sponsor or coachee themselves suggests to us that we will know best who is likely to be the best fit coach for the new coachee. This choice of coachee is largely based on trust, judgement and respect – initially from the sponsor that it is the right timing and circumstance for the potential coachee to be coached. Then that I or we are the right coaches for them. Then from the new coachee that they feel that they can trust us and that we can probably be the right coach for them. This decision is established and confirmed or not at the first meeting and initial coaching sessions.
So is there a coach out there for everyone? Maybe yes in theory – but only if they are WILLING, as a coachee, to take responsibility, are open minded, able to be honest with themselves and with their coach – and are prepared to search for their answers largely from inside – from their own resources.
Some people are not interested in the concept of opening up their minds to new possibilities and options and do not want to disclose and share their circumstances, thoughts, feelings, hopes, fears, issues and plans with a relative stranger working as a new coach with them. Some people are not ready for this yet. Some people don’t have the desire and motivation to put themselves into this coaching relationship. Some doubt or mistrust the process or worry about confidentiality leaks.
For many people they have never had the coaching process suggested to them as a possible option, or haven’t reached the stage in their personal or career development when it felt appropriate for them.
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